SecretGarden, it is so nice to see you posting. I have missed you. (((hugs)))
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SecretGarden said:
What do you do or what do you tell yourself to keep yourself safe and moving forward?
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At the height of depression, I turned a lot toward my kids and found meaning in devoting myself to filling their essential needs. I was so depressed I could do little, so I focused on doing only the essential and made my kids a priority.
I tried to clear non-essential stuff from my plate so I had less to deal with, since I had so few resources. For example, I stopped doing non-essential stuff related to work, such as outside of work hours events, bringing work home with me, answering work emails from home, etc. I just cut back to the minimum. I sometimes used my sick days at work or took extra vacation days to get more time for me.
I stopped going to social events as these depressed me further. It is one thing to be depressed on your own, but feeling down amidst a large group of people was far worse for me. Basically, I stopped doing things that made me feel more depressed or stressed out.
It's important to go to therapy at this time, even though you may feel so down it is hard to make yourself go. I remember forcing myself to go to therapy every week. I was going to see a CBT counselor at the time. Everything she suggested for my depression, I tried. I trusted her to know things that might help. Do not withdraw from your therapist/pdoc. Use him for support during this difficult time.
One thing my counselor suggested was reaching out to others and trying to build up my support network as she told me she couldn't be my sole source of support. She told me it would help me to share with people that I was having a hard time right now. So I did try what she suggested, and reached out to a couple of family members and friends. This was very helpful, just like she said it would be.
Another thing that was really critical to me was my sleep. Not being able to sleep and being constantly exhausted were intertwined with my depression. So, at my counselor's suggestion, I focused a lot of effort on trying to get enough sleep each day. This meant often stealing naps during the middle of the day or in the early evening. Every minute of sleep I could grab for myself was precious. With a strong effort, I was gradually able to increase my sleep from 3 hrs per 24 hr period to 5-6 hours. This helped me tremendously.
I feel my depression bettered somewhat over the course of about a year. When I sought out a new therapist, I was not nearly as depressed, and was almost instantly cured by the new guy as he offered me hope and his confidence I could conquer my problems. And his unconditional regard and empathy. Somehow, his hope made me feel hopeful myself, and this in turn made me be feel less depressed. But it was no one thing that did the trick.
In the worst days, it helped me to listen to music I liked. I was too depressed to read much or journal. Later, when less depressed, I was able to journal and found it helpful.
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Waiting for the depression to lift.
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SG, I worry that you are waiting for a magical event that is not just going to happen one day. Do you have a pattern of being depressed and having it suddenly lift? I don't want you to be disappointed if the depression hangs in there, as it does for an extended period for many people. Keep attacking this problem every way you know how. (((hugs)))
As almedafan suggested, maybe it is time to have a therapist (in addition to your pdoc). Different therapists approach depression in different ways. A fresh look and fresh approach might not be a bad thing. You need someone who can give you a lot of support right now. Pdocs are notorious for being meds-focused, so I worry that since you are seeing a pdoc for your therapy, he won't be support-focused enough for your needs. You need a lot of support from a therapist right now!
Hang in there, SG, and please post whenever you are able. I worry about you.