Dear Anne,
Yup, I identify. I have been a repeat responder to Ns.
By the way, did part of your exploration take you Sam Vaknin? He's worth checking out.

I have become 'Ntranced' even when I knew it was an N.! It is so, so deep within me. And always so destructive, interspersed with exciting, intense etc, as I'm sure you know. When I realised what an N was, I thought with my tendencies I must be a 'mirror N.' Because my own sense of self evaporates and I become all focused on 'them', which fits the dynamic that they seek.
So, I got in contact with some specialist personality disorder Ts, and got diagnosed schizoid. When i read about that if fitted me even more. However, I havent yet come accrss much in the professional literature about shcizoid in relationship with N.s, but I am guessing it is something about finding oneself in a role which serves the others needs, and gives one a sense of purpose and connectedness that would be otherwise lacking.
As for healing, I am part of a study group and various other things.
Get back to me any of this sounds interesting to you.

good luck with your persuit and exploration.

riversX