The 10yrs aniversary of my being raped and nearly stranggled to death is less than two weeks away (Sept 18). Saw my t today and for the first time since it happened I screamed and cried in anger and fear. She said it was a good thing and that I'm finally starting to recover - IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE I AM. I've locked myself in my home,safe from the "outside world", at least until my fiance' gets home. If "healing" is supposed to be so great, why does it ahve to hurt so very much? Marc (my fiance') is the only man I ever been able to trust. He knows what's going on,but can't help me for obsivous reasons. At least he's "safe". I really want to egt past all of this so it doesn't take over my life every year at this time like it has for so long. I'm jumping at every little sound and shadow right now and am fighting to keep what little sanity I seem to have left. I'm in school online,but can't seem to concentrate on much of anything except trying to get through the next few hours, hour, 10 min,etc. I'm totally confused by what I'm feeling. IT'S BEEN 10 @$^^%$#&* YEARS - WHY DOES IT STILL HURT!!!! This forum is the only place I feel like I won't be judged or condemed for the pain I feel. I love Marc, but he can't understand (and neather can my t) - and I do know they try. I DON'T WANT TO HURT MYSELF - I just want to be able to function again. I'm tired of the &^%$ and I know I didn't do anything to "deserve" it. I only want to live my life free from this "burdon" - and I'm not sure that's even possilbe at this point. Thanks for "listening" - again.