What I'm trying to explain is, it makes me feel safe to be like that. And feel protected. Everyone in my life tries to talk to me on a deeper level and i just want to be loved and protected. And now because I'm asking for it instead of making it seem mandatory I won't get it. Any time someone treats me like an adult I just find another way automatically to be treated like a child that I feel inside. I wish you could see, a part of me is an 8 year old kid. The whole reason this happened is because i didn't want to be on a deeper level. That never helped me, it just upset me and made me revert more into being a child. Because I feel more comfortably that way. But if i just say that, I won't get the need met.When I talked about things like repeating numbers, i truly and honestly wanted to talk about it. but that wouldn't be accepted if it wasn't something people can understand.

I would have never lied if I had thought I could just ask to be treated the way everyone treated me anyway and they would
d
understand. I'm only being deep right now for the sake of everyone I've hurt. I'd rather talk about something simple and certain, because that's how I want things to be. But I'm doing this for you, for everyone because the wrong part was lying....

All things I said, though, were real. I really felt like that person. And to be honest I'm scared I'm going to do it again. Not here, but in some other way. Because you can talk to me about it all I want, therapists can talk to me about it all I want, and the only thing I crave is to be treated like a child and accepted for being that way. My mind has that need and it will do anything to get it, no matter what..

and its scary. I have gone to therapy. Again, it's the deep stuff and what they don't understand is that you don't go deep with a 6 year old so why just because years have gone by for me that I don't get the same need met? By the therapist I mean.