Hi Guys,

How do you deal with watching someone be completely controlled by a manipulative, lazy partner?

My 20 year old brothers girlfriend (19 years old) is living off of him, refuses to do anything for herself, won't even let my family visit their apartment and just orders him around all the time. She wont get a part time job, won't work over the university holidays. Won't get her license. He drives her everywhere. Buys everything for her. He cleans. He cooks. She literally does nothing for him. She just goes to Uni (studying psychology of all things) while he works huge hours as a trainee on low pay.

He is on a strict schedule all the time, has to plan his life completely around what she wants. He loves her to death for some reason and is more than willing to do anything to keep her happy. This even extends to her family. He does so much for all of them! This would be ok if they returned the favor sometimes. But they don't. They really appear to not care about his welfare whatsoever. As long as he is looking after his girlfriend they are happy.

His girlfriend and her parents have not given him anything for his last 3 birthdays or christmas. Not even a homemade card or letter or anything. I know for a fact that this has hurt his feelings deeply. He goes so far out of his way to surprise her with flowers, organise special dinners, presents the whole lot!

She refuses to have anything to do with our family, and has never met or spent time with any of his friends over the years.

She has zero friends of her own. She has siblings who she constantly bickers with because apparently they nag her about getting a job and license, seeing a counselor about her issues. So her family even recognize her problems!!! They just don't see the effect it is having on my brother.

We all try to be supportive because as soon as you try to give advice, my brother just pulls away.

I realise that he is the only person who can change what is going on. I realise that he is enabling this girls behaviour by allowing it to happen. It's like he believes that he wouldn't survive without her somehow? He is a 20 year old living the life of a married middle aged man supporting a family of 6! Its so wrong! He is a super smart kid, has a great work ethic and has so much ahead of him. I feel like this horrible girl is going to ruin his life.

Anyone experienced something similar and can share advice on how to deal with it?