I was definitely planning on marrying her. We moved pretty quickly in the beginning of our relationship because things just fell into place and it was easy. We have so many things in common, so many of the same goals/dreams/wants. I wont go too much into details to get off-track, but basically before this situation, it was amazing. Besides what she is doing now, she is an incredible girl - beautiful, smart (usually), funny, down to earth and we just have so much fun together usually. Never a dull moment.

She makes me happy when this isn't going on. So incredibly happy. I always suffered with anxiety/depression before, but it's been much better with her (until now obviously...) so yeah I would marry her right now if I knew she was 100% in and taking it seriously.

Today has been so awful. I think I've acted a little irrationally - with messaging her on Facebook. It would have just bothered her and upset her, rather than encourage her to see where I'm coming from. I should have waited for a better time.

I also just sent her a very long email about how I'm feeling. I asked her to read it when she gets a chance. It outlines how I feel and what I want. I asked her to just think about everything I've said, and I'm happy to wait until Sunday or Monday (after the wedding) to talk about things. I think she might not read it because she's upset about the FB messaging.

Should I have not sent the email now? Ughhhh.