could be writing that myself ... I just try to accept what is ... cry myself to sleep with music (soon-kyu of course) ... set small goals during the day ... like my muffin and coffee .. I live for that ... just one small goal at a time gets me thru the day ... no guilt hun ... it is what it is ... no ones fault .. no guilt there ... just life can sometimes be a bear ... good days , bad days ... it's called life .. we try our best ... that's all anybody can do .. Tigger ..