I feel as if i'm in a bubble watching everyone around me experience life. I feel nothing except sadness, despair, and self hatred. Why am i still fighting this illness? no one gets it, They think i can just "put on my big girl panties" and keep going. I'm so tired. too much loss and death lately. too much pain. I've gone numb to stop the hurting. I look at all my friend's Facebook post with their great spring break pictures, while mine is spent at home, running errands for my morbidly obese parents. I don't resent this, but I'm tired.... I long for peace. I don't shower anymore because it takes too much effort. cooking.... no. cleaning.... no. seeing and talking to people.... not if I can avoid it> yet i feel so alone. want to cry, but i'm afraid if I start crying, i'll shatter into a million tiny pieces. I haven't had a drink in 21 days. Yay me. Doesn't feel like a victory, just something I do to please my family. I can honestly say, 'Stop the world, I want to get off.
sorry for the pathetic whining. This is my only outlet where I feel like I am understood.