i understand Elevatedsoul. I'm not taking showers right now, because I'm afraid I'll start cutting again. But then I would have to find ways to hide the cuts and like you, I long to be held and told that I'll be okay again. I feel so alone and dead inside. I long to cut, to bleed, so that I know I'm alive. your description of depression is so right. it's walking death. sorry for not being more positive, but I'm not in a good place right now. take care, my friend.