just have to keep trying...
i avoid showering too because i dont want to see myself.. but i try to make myself...
its just hard when you dont feel like breathing much less taking care of yourself..
i just try to remind myself as much as possible to be kind to myself... because its too often that i am so hard on myself... and i can be so mean to myself... but im trying to stop, i just get weak sometimes and i hate it so much.. but its ok, i have survived abuse from others - just have to survive abuse from myself now..

keep fighting.. keep searching for the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, just never give up... it has to be out there some where