im right there with you... i have absolute 0... the only thing i have is the blood i carry...
i have nothing at all - and if my parents were to die tonight - i probably would die tomorow because i can't provide for myself at all.. it is completely utterly overwhelming...
but i just try not to think... i think too much... i end up separating my thoughts... or dissociating.. im not really sure how i handle any of this... all i know is i cant remember 30 seconds ago, i forget everything... i hardly ever know what day it is... sometimes the months... i have even forgotten what year it was before... but i think my mind maybe doing this because im completely at my wits ends and this may be an emergency way to cope with extreme stress...
i tend to self medicate - i dont enjoy it like people would think i do - i just need to feel something different - any kind of relief and i try to take the less damaging routes... sometimes drugs are safer than selfharm... vice versa...
the only thing we can do is to keep fighting... try to live with these demons... i refuse to let the world take the last thing i have from me... my life... it wont beat me...

you can try religion, it helps a lot of people... i used to be religious, my mother was a preacher and everything... but i fell out ... im just spiritual now...
im fine though... i hold the keys to this world right now... to stay in it or to walk out..
just gonna prove to myself that life can be a good thing... i have to prove to myself that ...

please stay strong... you are important no matter how much this illness tries to tell you otherwise...