i appreciate it BlossomingLen - and everyone too..

im a super warrior - on steroids, i will be fighting with superb strength until the end

i just feel so bad about it sometimes, feel weak and stuff... shame...
i try not to look at it as failure, but im stubborn and end up being really mean to myself when i mess up.. when i cant handle the stress and stuff...
trying to get better - its scary though.. i've always faced all of this alone, trying to change that these days... trying to realize i dont have to do all of this alone..
im just not good at letting people help... scared to rely on people and stuff...

i would love to be friends of course, i just dont want to hurt anyone... dont want to disapoint anyone or cause anyone to feel bad ya know.. guess thats why i dont let many people close - i hide behind a mask, a suit of armor too and my skin is hardened from all the battles..

ironically im really sensitive though... and emotional... im a softy on the inside but its hard to see it sometimes... im a lover not a fighter, you know? but i have to fight... its hard to love yourself through a war - to victory or whatever... i have to fight.. then maybe love can come after the war...

or maybe im just really conflicted and confused, all i know is i (and everyone else going through these things) just have to keep on keeping on... a solution hopefully will arrive - if not a solution, hopefully a bandaid to help make it a few days more

thank you all for not judging me... its not easy for me to try to "be real" because im so used to hiding everything all the time... trying to learn how to talk about things