Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh
From what you've described, there's no doubt your niece needs support. No amount of love you have for her is going to provide it if she is coming from a home situation where she's alienated and dismissed. Who knows how much of those dynamics are contributing to her acting out, and not her disability. (I'm just going to ignore the sociopath dx. How can that even be diagnosed at that age--I mean...teenager.)
Anyway, I just say all of that because you care about her for a reason. She's a kid who's gotten a raw deal, and you have empathy.
The thing is, there is absolutely no way to help her by colluding with the family dynamics. One way to put a halt to it is to contact authorities regarding her claims of abuse. And let her know in no uncertain terms that an eating disorder requires professional help and you won't be part of watching her enter into that without speaking up or doing something about it.
In other words, you redefine what love looks like and be the adult that she needs. That can't happen by sacrificing your well being for the sake of family dysfunction.
She could get mad. The family will get mad. But is that any worse than a lifetime of this, which is where this is headed?
eta: oh...and do not have her over to stay with you for Easter.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Yeah, I wondered about such a firm diagnosis at such a young age too. Apparently at that age the diagnosis means " sociopathic tendencies."
Either way, OP, maybe now would be a good time to practice saying "no"? It can be quite liberating once you get started. |
She was diagnosed as a sociopath when she was 13. I don't know the ins and outs because I'm never involved in the family discussion. She's in CBT herself, and she's told me she lies to her T constantly, it's hard to trust her and believe her but I don't ever want to not believe her and find out later she was in a similar situation as I was. But you're right, and I hadn't thought about how I could redefine my love her by setting out boundaries.
As for the eating disorder she was made aware of mine and ever since then has not let me forget it. Not that I could. She enjoys her food, and eats well. She doesn't have an eating disorder, but instead took to the Internet to read about anorexia and BDD. She reeled off the list of symptoms from Google in listed order. Thank you both for giving me another perspective.