Quote:
Originally Posted by winenot3
If the situation were reversed, how would you feel about someone asking you specific questions about your own daughter? Would it put you ill at ease?
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I've been thinking about your question. If I were a T, and was seeing someone for 6 years, and had the kind of relationship my T and I have, I would be willing to answer questions about my daughter. I probably would have said "my daughter is interested in ------- too." But my T didn't say that. I'd make a horrible T because I wouldn't have good boundaries! If I were a T, and someone told me they liked to Google my daughter and knew a lot about her, I would be wary and maybe a little scared. But if I trusted my client and knew she was just interested in what people normally share with each other, I would be okay with it. But I understand why my T says it's okay to ask her questions but she doesn't like the way I do it sneakily. Thanks, winenot. I can see it a little better from my T's perspective now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anglo
Hello Rainbow8
I think it's natural to want the relationship to be reciprocal because we share so much, with someone so accepting, we want the relationship because it's not something we have with anyone else.
I'm sorry I can't be helpful.  I'd just continue to keep an open line of communication with your T. She might not like what you've done, but it's done now. You can only go forward. |
Thanks, Anglo. I'm sure it will be an interesting session on Tuesday!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Myrto
I've been in the same situation, more or less.
I found the social media (Facebook, Instagram) of my T's sons. Well I didn't "find" it, I went to look for it.
I started following their social media postings to the point that it got out of hand because of the feelings it was eliciting in me. I felt super guilty.
I finally told my therapist, expecting her anger.
And she was totally fine with it. Barely suprised.
So are you sure your T is gonna be angry at you? Why would she be?
After all, what you read online about her daughter is part of public domain, no?
I think curiosity is very normal. You shouldn't beat yourself up about this.
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Yes, you're probably right. My T won't be angry but will say she would rather I ask her than sneak around googling her family. But I couldn't have asked because I didn't know what I would read. Some of it is personal, like there was a photo of T's mother. I feel like I invaded my T's privacy even though the information is part of the public domain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FallingFreely
I think it's very natural to be curious about someone you are close to.
I would question your need to confess, and whether or not this might be a form of testing your therapist. This seems like distancing behavior to me.
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I've confessed to my T because I feel guilty and want her to know I did it. She's asked, "So what did you find?" but that was about googling HER. She wasn't angry when I found something she had written that was highly personal. She said she's aware clients might read it.
Testing my T? I know she likes me very much so I don't think I'm testing her. I want to tell her in order to become closer, not further away.