I wish she'd punish me. I don't where that wish comes from.

This^ was the first thing I thought of. I know that kids will experience whatever attention they get from their parents as nurturing, even when it's abusive because bad attention is better than no attention. The need to be seen is so compelling that a child will do whatever they must to fill that need. I just wonder if on some level you are feeling less seen by your T and so you've been compelled to do the one thing that is pretty sure to bring you attention (punishment) that leaves you feeling ashamed.

Whether the experience of feeling ashamed is filling a familiar childhood need and so psychologically satisfying because it's familiar (not enjoyable consciously), or repeating a dynamic in the unconscious hope that for once you will not feel ashamed, I don't know.

It might be worth thinking about other times you've done this sort of thing: what were you feeling in therapy that may have prompted these urges?

I don't think it has anything to do with curiosity, nor wanting to be part of your T's life. It just feels like a deeper drive than that.