UPDATE

The session went pretty well! I felt I was more open and more present this time which made the session feel much more productive than my previous ones.

We spoke about my fear of abandonment and how I'm scared that she is going to leave me. T told me she's not planning on going anywhere which was nice to hear . A weird thing that happened though was when it came time to end the session I felt kind of upset about it like T was abandoning me even though it is just the end of the session. I know it sounds ridiculous and hate that I feel so clingy. I then started thinking about the session I had two weeks ago and how I arrived just in time for it (because I was rushing from work) and T's previous client was still there talking to T in the waiting room. When I arrived T finished up the conversation and the client left and we started our session. I feel jealous that that client got to spend and extra 10 minutes with T (the sessions are 50min). I know this is something I should talk to my T about but I am afraid it will make me unlikeable and I really want my T to like me and not dread seeing me every week.

The other thing is, before this whole "quitting and then returning" scenario, my T would always say at the end of the session "Same time next week?" like it was just a given and she was happy to continue seeing me. This time she asked me "What would you like to do? would you like to book another session?" and I had the thought that maybe she is was hoping I would say no. I know this is stupid and she was only asking me because I quit before and was unsure of what to do. Ugh, I feel like the most annoying person in the world.

Also, I'm sorry this kind of deviated from the original topic!