Ive hit rock buttom before, a few times. Im familiar with that dark place, so familiar, its almost comforting. This time though something has changed about me. I hardly recognize myself anymore.. but in a good way. Normally Im at war with myself, torn between numb and begging for my life. This time though, no battle, just peace. I didnt have to convince myself to do the right thing, I just did it. My heads quiet and my heart is leading. For the first time ever as a addict, Im following.
Ive been clean for 14 days. I didn't experience withdrawal or anguish. Ive been exposed directly to the drugs I loved so much and nothing. I dont even trust my disinterest. Maybe Ive snapped mentally. I dont know. But I do know Im tired and Im not doing this anymore.
Unfortunately, Ive disappointed myself before. Im a chronic **** up. But what makes me trust this enlightenment this time is (unexplainable)... I feel something that wasnt there before.