Get help, take a break!

Your problems are perfectly natural for us with a psychotic disorder. Anxiety, depression, all that. Anxiety disorders/problems are manifold, so much so as to almost define university. Many students and pretty much all PhD students get a (mild/severe) depression at least for months.

I was mixed/manic/mixed/manic for years at university. I only wish I had the insight you have now: I didn't believe for a minute that I could be helped or sometimes/often that I needed help. Wrote papers detailing very much precisely how God actually governs our emotions and how language is an imperfect but very useful expression of that (I am a linguist).

My particular weakness is that I still believe to have a pretty good grasp on how He does it, but that's just me, not BP (I am SZA/BP). I try to fight it with science, where any theory goes (much less supported by research than mine; status is pretty much everything: I might talk/write the part, somewhat/sometimes look the part, but I have none).

But if I can do it, you can certainly do it too. I am a real basket case. You have insight and enough courage to at least value the opinion of a therapist at the right time.

Get help! As much as it takes.