I am also wondering if you've talked about guilt to your therapist? Guilt in general and the extent to which it plays a role in your life and how you perceive it (so, it's utility, validity and so on) -- so, not necessarily guilt related to specific actions?

I wondered at first (rather obviously) if your need to be close was basically a need to not feel distant and since guilt can make one feel distant, getting rid of the guilt by confessing is basically a way of crossing that distance? But, maybe it's something else?

As for just the act of internet searching, I know that anything I say or other folks say about it being right or wrong won't make a difference since it's something only you can decide for yourself.

But, suffice to say that if there's a level below harmless, that's where I'd place what you did. And, I'm saying this as someone who has been accosted by total strangers (sometimes in rather creepy ways) who've searched and followed me online (with my real name having a rather minimal online footprint, that's a lot of determination) about everything ranging from my work to outside interests and even my sexuality.

So, at this point, I sort of just take it for granted that it's what people do and as long as no one is being actually threatened, it's not even something I register as significant.