Oh don't be sorry at all. I have these same questions myself.

I just feel that I have caused all of this mess in our home. But right now its just a house, not a home. It feels better when he is at work, and lately, he avoids that too.

The reading he has done, well its like he let it brainwash him. He thinks that pdoc's are useless, they cause more harm than good. I find it hard to deal with. I try to let me explain my side but I always hear, "well in this book...." I get mad and tell him to stop throwing it in our conversations. I am not kidding, in a full day he refers to the few books at a min. of 25 times a day. Seriously. I almost took the damn things and made a little fire; lolol.

I am unsure about so much right now. But I do know how negatively he makes the kids and I feel. And we have had it. I told him so tonight. I asked him if maybe its time to take a "break". He kept saying noooooo. So I said well maybe he needs some counseling himself (like I have done before), or this household will fall apart. I was honest but it needed to be said. I can't deal with everything, he needs to take responsibilty for his thoughts and actions as well. He needs someone to talk too. He has been telling people about my personal struggles, and I almost blew my top. I told him he has no right to tell everyone this, especially people we both know. He talks about it to his regular clients for crap sakes. He tells them everything, and I mean all. He has no right to do this. I don't have an issue with him discussing this with a t but others, no way.

Anyway, I tried so hard to get into chat tonight, but my kids were tyrants; lolol. I just got them to settle in bed and its almost 9. If they don't get to bed, like in bed by 8:30, the morning is a battle. My little farters; lololol.

Thanks both of you for replying. (((ww))), yes this makes sense. I have problems sleeping. Nightmares are terrible. This I have been dealing with for years. I often wonder if its easier to be awake. Rather have the sleep deprivation then get these powerful dreams. The kind where you wake up soaking wet from tears, sweat, and trembling in fear.

Justy