I didn't mean to offend you Bri7. I didn't know the whole story, but it seems clear to me that it was rape. Anything you say NO to and gets done to you anyway is a "sexual" assault. Penetration is rape!!! Making you commit sodemy
is a form of rape/assault. Penetrating from behind is assault!! What else is there? Maybe it is too late, and you don't want to hurt his family. But what about the next time he
wants to hurt YOU???? How will you handle this again?
I'm not clear on whether you did this out of love, or to appease him for something he thinks you owe him????
Don't punish yourself. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Just because you're married, doesn't give him the right to force himself on you!!! If you have baggage
you came into this marriage with, I'd suggest you get some
help right away. You won't start feeling better about you until you do. Doing nothing will solve nothing.
Hope you feel better soon.