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Old Mar 18, 2016, 06:31 PM
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Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo View Post
I tend to destroy things that are mine and/or from my past. Pictures, journals, souvenirs, yearbooks. I tend to get worked up until I'm furious, then I get furious with myself, and I take the rage out by destroying myself figuratively. It's scary, sometimes - it feels like I'm erasing myself and any evidence of my time on earth. It feels like the world is a computer and I'm trying to delete my whole life's file, every trace of me, but more rageful.
I did something similar in essence, maybe: I didn't dare write because I thought it wasteful and didn't want any trace being made.

For me such things only happen when depressed. It's actually in essence just depressive behaviour, I guess: not worthy of traces, not wanna be seen or heard. Wasting valuable time and space. Memories of you that shouldn't be.

Sometimes includes food.

Possible trigger:
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
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