I dont know where to post... I am losing my mind...
I feel like I am losing my mind atleast...
what is happening to me...
I'm scared that my mind is going to break...
and that i will not be myself anymore...
I am going insane...
I am scared but i feel so out of touch...
Its like i am not afraid but i am afraid...
I don't want to lose my mind completely...
I am trying so hard... I don't know what to do...
who am I... what am i.... what is happening....
oh my god I am deteriorating...
I can feel the thing we call psyche (psychological state) being changed...
Its like it is fluid... I feel like the balloon is going to burst and the fluid that makes up the psyche is going to disperse...
Feel like I am losing myself... but where am i going...
I have been trying so hard lately it is just making it so much worse...
Thinking back over all of this time...
i just... i wasn't there for any of it...
I have no clue what has transpired over the... well... i don't know anything...
All i can recall are vague memories of moments... for my entire life... not complete memories at all... maybe just a memory of stepping outside the door and then its blank... i dont know anything from today either...

I have been trying to read about dissociation if that is what is happening...
but i don't know If it can be dissociation... because it is so constant...
I am losing my mind... all i want is to have a life...
I am so scared I am going to break... or maybe i have already broken...

I don't know what to do... i cant express what im feeling...
its confusing the hell out of me....
a split second nothing feels real... the next second is like im rejistering that this has to be real... then the next second i feel like this is just something i am watching and it doesnt really matter what i do because its going to happen anyway, or i dont really have the control to make things happen...
its so constant... sometimes i can distract myself and i just space out and then its time to lay down and wake up and go through it all again a different day... I don't know what is happening to me...

I don't know what to say... please stop ... i just want it to stop...
i need to know i am going to be ok... but I feel like I am really not ok and its so bad and its getting worse...

like me losing control the other day... I can remember that... I dont remember what set it off but i just remember coming to and being really mad and cursing and confused... I'm just so afraid but part of me is giving up i feel it... part of me is dissipating... and that part of me doesn't care anymore...

I'm becoming a monster...