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SecretGarden said:
When you were so depressed did you find that you were sometimes normal like at night?

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No, I was pretty much depressed all the time. Nights were really hard for me because of my inability to sleep. To avoid that whole awful scene, I would not go to bed until about 3 am or later.

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You were able to think enough to do good work?

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Not me. I cried a dozen times a day at work, my memory was shot, I was often a couple of hours late in the morning, I took last minute sick days, and withdrew from some of my responsibilities. I'm amazed I didn't get fired. I would have fired me. I am still not 100%.

It sounds like going to a hospital may be a way for you to escape from reality, and I can see that would be appealing. I hope you will not have to go in, but please do if you get desperate or feel unsafe.

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I will ask my pdoc about another therapist or some way to help...though he wants me to figure it all out myself.

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That statement bewilders and troubles me. Why wouldn't he want to suggest ways to help your depression? If he wants you to figure it out on your own, maybe you should just find a therapist, start going, and then report back to him on how it's going after a few months--if you want to. You certainly don't need his permission to see a therapist, and it sounds like he wants you to make decisions on your own. So, if you want to see a therapist, go for it. I would be skeptical about referrals from your pdoc (he doesn't sound trustworthy or supportive to me, from what you've written here--sorry).

Hang in there, SG. It is very good to see you here again.