It changes often for me but I have experienced that soul crushing, black hole
type of depression many times and even thought about ending it many times.
Thankfully I only have had the thoughts but have never acted upon it.
Mania has taken different forms as well, from driving crazy and fast with no
fear what soever and no real thought of what could happen to a voracious sex
drive and reaching the point where sex with a woman I hardly knew was fine
with me. The thing is that is not something I would be comfortable with at all
when not going through mania. I still go through mania and depression but the
meds seem to keep the episodes from being as severe as they would be with
no meds at all.