Almost every friend I've ever had, I've always gotten to a point where I just suddenly feel as if I'm not wanted around them anymore...

It's excruciating, It happens without warning, I start to get emotional and feel as if I don't fit into the equation, or I never did, I've just been fooling myself, I don't really have a purpose being in peoples lives, nor do I have the right to have any emotional attachment to them. they have/deserve friends better than me. I'm not needed, I'm just there.

I get depressed about it, contemplate suicide, and then realize I'm too afraid to actually do anything.

I just want to be at peace with something for once.

Intrusive thoughts haven't been very common with me recently, but right now I'm being bombarded.

I've lost so many close friends to this, I lose all my confidence when talking to them and eventually we just drift away....

Why do I have to be like this.
I just want to sit here and cry.