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phyllis78 · Mar 19, 2016, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snickie

I've done a handful of sanity scores over the past year and each time I come up with a score in the upper 40s or low 50s. Obviously I'm pretty high-functioning and most of my scores indicate my only main issue is an addiction to technology. Which, okay, yeah, I admit it.

I want to explore the idea that I might be too sane for the Sanity Score. Maybe I've been faking my scores somehow? Or do I fit into a different scoring spectrum? For example, I know my score is skewed because I don't have any issues regarding drugs, cigarettes, gambling, or romantic/sexual relationships.

Here are my scores from this semester in college.

10 Sept: 47
Serious concern: technology issues
Milder concerns: general coping, life events, dissociation, mania, borderline traits

7 Nov: 42 (lowest score ever btw)
Serious concern: technology issues
Milder concerns: general coping, borderline traits
I can't see this as being very accurate because this was when things were starting to go really downhill for this semester, where the downward slope became steeper. I will say, though, that my self-esteem was still intact.

7 Dec: 53
Serious concern: technology issues
Milder concerns: general coping, depression, mania, obsessions/compulsions, borderline traits
I took this one as a tool when I was writing my reflection for the end of the semester. I knew things were going down the toilet, and I was actually expecting a higher score than this. I guess I was... disappointed? ...that the shift in score didn't accurately reflect the shift I perceived in my emotional health? If I could post that reflection here I would, but there are too many details and it's too long (six pages on MS Word single-spaced) and personal. But it would help explain so much.

11 Dec: 59
Serious concern: technology issues
Milder concerns: general coping, depression, mania, obsessions/compulsions, borderline traits
Basically these were augmented scores of the 7 Dec test, which shouldn't be a surprise since the same things are still going on, only today they were worse. I was reflecting on a very dark place in which I found myself earlier today.

Warning: over-explaining below
(Does not actually contain triggers. Probably.)

Possible trigger:

I might be misunderstanding the mania and borderline categories, or misunderstanding the questions pertaining to those disorders, because I'm pretty sure I have neither.
My interpersonal relationships aren't unstable because I don't have very many and only bother to keep up a handful, and I don't have an all-encompassing fear of abandonment. And while I have been known to self-abuse, I've never deliberately cut myself for that purpose or attempted suicide. Additionally I can explain pretty much any of the other borderline traits I might exhibit with other things. For example, I'm angry and snappy in the morning because it's frigging 6am and I didn't go to bed until 2am and now you're making me get up and eat and now I'll be sleeping in past noon to make up so stop singing. Further, I get snappy when someone interrupts something I'm actively doing, like putting a damper on whatever mental inertia I had going for whatever. My "impulsive" behaviors are rather limited to watching Netflix when I know I don't have time, or going out to eat with my friend when I know I'm supposed to be working on a paper instead.

As for mania, I'm pretty darn sure I'm not having a manic episode. Or even a hypomanic episode. The only reason I have any energy and no sleep this week is because it's finals week. And the only possible reason for the mood swings has to be the show I'm watching on hulu and the hilarious related Lady Gaga parodies I've found and listen to instead of doing work. Then I get pissed off at myself for not doing the work. Cue mood swing.

So basically my scores should probably be lower.

Something I should keep in mind is that this is a sanity score, not an emotional health quotient. It's a tool for me to keep track of symptoms over time to track and figure out if maybe I have an actual psychological and/or neurological disorder. It's not for just when I'm feeling sad or happy or whatever.

One thing I use to gauge how much stress I've been under is how many sudoku puzzles I've completed. Since October I've done more than 100 of the hard puzzles on this app. I'd say that's pretty telling. I'm going to have to find and download a new app if I keep this up.

I actually just completed the sanity quiz, and I got a 39. I guess my mental health is considerably more stable than I thought!