I dont know you outside of therapy. But I was lucky enough to come across you professionally at least. I realize I needed an excellent, but genuine T and I wrote so many times about changing T but in the end you never left me, it's always my mind tricking me. And you were closer than ever when you were supposed to be off instead. Then I knew you won't leave but you'll be there, as long as I need you. I no longer feel like I'm something to get rid of, at least in one place in the world. I will probably never be ok. I'm borderline according to the pdocs and this hit me as I seem to get worse at times. Except that after thinking about it I turned back and saw what I/we did. I came in that day and said, I'm Ambra, I'm bulimic and I can't stop. I throw up all the time and I feel like I'm gonna die. Now I like food again, I'm a bit more confident. I still have problems with anger and abandonment but I'm sure you'll help me get better and I decided I don't fear my demons so much, because I have you and - as you wrote me - one thing at a time, and we'll go through this too. I don't wanna be you favourite client or whatever but it's so heart-warming that sometimes you wonder how I'm doing and you let me know it. It's something new and so special.
I've never experienced abandonment from you in the end. I have to thank T1 for abandoning me then, otherwise I wouldn'have bumped into you. Plus I had the privilege to "see" you growing as a therapist too and see small (biiig for you!) changes, your pregnancy, tireness, jokes and so on. We are both quite young and sort of grew up together a little but in this unique bond and this makes me feel so good. Accepted. Taken care of. Not rejected, finally, for the first time. I will never switch to another T, I already know. Unless we become friends. But right now I need a very good, genuine, committed professional to walk on my side for another while.