I keep thinking I'm trying something different, something positive for myself, but it always leads to immense pain. I"m talking aobut pushinb myself to take some positive risks because without risks the stagnation is misery and depression and those risks 100% lead to failure. Can't even say they were a learning experience. I'm talking about risks and self improvement over the past few weeks and over the past 10 years. And now I have ruined my ability for myself to work in peace so I don't know how I proceed with any hope at all for a future, and any answers are not going to come to me tonight because I im just in intense pain and flooded with SI