Hi everyone,

I'm new here, but I could really use some input. I'm open to most suggestions at this point.

I honesty feel like emotions ruin my life. Intense depression makes me feel miserable (even if there's no reason for me to be sad I feel intense loneliness), I am afraid of or phobic of things I want to try, I am a naturally curious person open to new experiences but phobias stop me from exploring things and being my best (I have intense vomit phobia and so I won't try exotic foods anymore due to a fear of contamination/food poisoning), and now there's a good chance I won't be able to pursue my dream career anymore because of my depression/tendency to physically and emotionally internalize stress. I am so sick of being an emotional person and I'm having a lot of trouble finding the good in it. I feel like if I had a (preferably non-pharmaceutical) way to regulate my emotions and anxiety and I had a better ability to not dwell on things I could finally reach my potential, both personally and professionally.

I have been prescribed several drugs in the past (Lexapro, Strattera, Ritalin, Pamelor, Buspar) and I had severe side-effects that made me worse (Strattera and Ritalin both sent me to the ER in normal, maintenance doses). Buspar really helped me on a very small dose (1/6 the normal dose) but I had to give it up because authorities regulating my top career pursuit have banned it. Plus, I have several medication/food allergies and I'm a very sensitive person in general, so I try to avoid medicines if possible. Having lived in Europe with a slower-paced life, a better support network, less stress, more nutritious food, and much more physical activity, I enjoyed fantastic mental and physical health and felt "cured" of my depression and anxiety without medications. So I'm not convinced medications are the answer for me. I am starting therapy next week but I've noticed in the past the best way for me to get over from my phobias is to expose myself to them.

Please let me know if you have suggestions. I am a very happy, spunky, adventurous, people-liking person when I'm at my best, but I'm way too emotional, needy, and anxious at my worst. I want to get back to my old self if possible.

Thank you, and have a good day!