I have been writing down my thoughts any any insight I have as to why i'm feeling how I"m feeling, to bring to the therapist and I can use for the pdoc also. My plan for the pdoc has completely changed... Up until yesterday I was doing much better and my T understands my desire to stay off medications and to stay out of the hospital and is working with me. It is the T that asked that I schedule a pdoc and that I consider Medications but he also said that if the pdoc recommends meds and I want to give therapy a few sessions to see that I should tell the pdoc that.

After the first few sessions I have felt a lot better and th eSI had greatly subsided and that's what I was going in to the pdoc with and I was very comfortable with that. Now the SI is back and I don't know where I stand. I haven't met the pdoc yet so I suppose I will have to make a quick judgement as to my trust for him and how open I will be to any recommendation.

I've always considered the racing thoughts I have that keep me from sleeping or focusing to be a part of my depression. That is somehting that I can describe to the pdoc and let him determine if it warrants anxiety diagnosis/medication.

But tonight I just feel so f'd up.