It was only when we were discussing what T's daughter had in common with mine that I felt like I wanted to tell her. I wanted to be able to say "Our d's have similar interests." or rather, I wanted T to say that. It brought up the limits of our relationship.

But the thing is, you brought up your daughter and her interest--like baiting the hook for your guilt. You steered the conversation there. That's why I think the need is deep.

Maybe you're right about wanting the attention too, but confessing seems like something I'm compelled to do for the sake of honesty, and yes, testing to see if she "loves me anyway".

I don't think it's about honesty exactly; if it were, given that you feel it's wrong to be searching, you wouldn't feel the need to do it. And you've said many times that you feel no need to test her. I think it's not so much about getting attention as about re-experiencing shame in her presence. I just don't know what need that fulfills or is trying to correct. You've often posted about experiencing shame feelings in sessions, but I don't recall your thoughts on where the shame originates.