I came back here because ten years ago this place helped me greatly in overcoming my depression. The majority of my post count is from that earlier stay here.

I'm having a tough time now. I think last time I found this place when I was beginning my recovery, and being able to post positive thoughts and support to others helped me lift my own spirits by doing something constructive.

I think I am not in that place now. Reading posts sometimes brings me down as it just reinforces how stuck I am. Some make me feel bad because others are in such a worse situation than I am (homeless, no access to healthcare, etc.) and others make me feel bad because they are having trouble dealing with their families and I have none.

I'm not posting as much as I used to because I feel like I am only bringing my negativity to other people's posts. I know I am argumentative on my own posts. Sometimes I am hijacking someone else's thread with my own personal concerns making their thread about me instead of about them. Sometimes I will write something out and then have to go back and delete it because it is so negative.

I'm here because helping people has been a good way to bring some peace and value into my own life but now I just feel myself spiraling down further. I came here to try to give hope to others not to spread my own negativity everywhere I touch. I am sorry to anyone here to whom I've brough negativity or my anger or defensiveness.