Your girlfriend is being very shady, and highly disrespectful of your feelings. And you should not have to play "stiff upper lip" games to get her to respond to your needs. I'm sorry that she is taking advantage of your good nature. Unfortunately, you are being too gentle, too nice about this major issue and are making excuses for her unacceptable behavior. She needs to draw clear boundaries with this guy (and other people) and stick to them!
As for the invite not including a +1 - she should have insisted on bringing you, and simply declined if you weren't allowed to come. That's just silly.
You have every right to be upset, and it is terrible that she is doing this to you and not even taking it seriously. You have nothing to apologize for, and you have done nothing wrong. Not emails, not FB messages, etc.
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Originally Posted by alipra3
I think I've acted a little irrationally - with messaging her on Facebook. It would have just bothered her and upset her, rather than encourage her to see where I'm coming from. I should have waited for a better time.
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No. You are not being irrational - you are being too permissive and accepting. You have done nothing wrong here. If you sharing your feelings with her "bothers" her, then you'd be well rid of her. You shouldn't have to "encourage" her to listen to you, or wait for some better time for her (which sounds like it doesn't come anyway since she is so busy with her friends and this guy, who obviously take priority over you).
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Originally Posted by alipra3
Then she replied saying "I've been waiting for you to realize that. Hakuna your tatas." (Which she says a lot, and what she means is calm down/stop worrying)
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This is SO invalidating and disrespectful! No regard for your feelings, for your discomfort and distress, none! I would have been furious if someone had said this to me in that situation! I might have walked away from the relationship right then. You bring your very valid concerns to her, she waits for you to apologize or get close to it (as she knows you will), and then this is her response? Just wow.
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Originally Posted by alipra3
I'm still worried about how things will go. I really don't want to loser her. I know I haven't painted a great picture of her here, but I promise you all - this is the only side of her I don't like.
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You should be worried. A lot of things you've mentioned in this thread do not bode well for your future with this girl. You have to be prepared to lose her. She doesn't seem to fear losing you at all, which again, red flag. And honestly, the side of someone that you don't like, their "bad" side, is just as important as their good side. I'm glad to see that you became firmer with her towards the end of the thread, but that this even went down the way it did is NOT good.
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Originally Posted by alipra3
And as some of you said, it's probably my weakness and annoying traits that have pushed her to do this.
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No, this is her, not you. Please don't take responsibility for her bad behavior, her bad choices, and her mistreatment of you. You don't sound weak or annoying to me. You sound like a kind, emotive, gentle person, which unfortunately means you'll be taken advantage of and mistreated quite a lot.
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Originally Posted by alipra3
I definitely don't want to tell her that I realize I'm being weak and I need to work on myself, because that'll probably just make me look even worse and push her even further away.
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You're not being weak. It's not weak to have feelings and to express them, to be vulnerable. On the contrary, that actually takes strength. If that pushes her away, there are plenty of guys out there who don't show their feelings and will be happy to be uncaring and disrespectful towards her.
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Originally Posted by alipra3
but somehow mention that I'm not perfect as well. Maybe I'll say we both have things to work on. She needs to show more commitment, and I'll work on trying not to overreact and get so emotional?
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If there's something you need to work on, it's not this or your reaction to this situation. You are completely in the green here. Don't bargain with her. She's either committed or she's not. If she doesn't want to act like it, then...that makes her feelings clear. Again, you have not overreacted (under-reacted, if anything) or been too emotional.
You don't need to justify or apologize for your feelings.
I really hope this works out for you and that she wakes up, but if I were you, I would not relax with her for a while.