Dear Edgy,
Hi, I suffer from this, too. I start to feel like other people do not really like me, that they treat other friends differently than me, and that really I am just weird, or uninteresting, or whatever lies my depression tries to tell me, when I am down. Or I feel anxious about the friendship, like I am somehow too immature ( even though I am 48)to be in this friendship, or too awkward.....and I start to back away and eventually I am alone besides one or two friends. Again.

I also back away from family members. Sometimes I just stop being able to interact because I am depressed and hiding, then I find that they are busy with other people that have been around.

I know it isn't exactly the same, my reasons might be different from yours, or they might be the same......either way, it doesn't feel good to deal with those kind of feelings, or to feel isolated from your friends. Or even to lose relationships because of negative thoughts, or a poor self esteem. I think your post helps me, too, because I forget between times that I can do this to myself. And that, just like you are aware, they are negative feelings, they are not truth.

I wonder if it would be helpful to list good times you have had with each friend and ways they are kind or friendly to you, during those times when you are NOT feeling negative about your relationship, then read those notes when you are feeling bad about things?
Take Care,
Searching