thanks... i've never really thought about any kind of damage like that being done so im going to definitely talk about it as soon as i can with a profesional and see what i should do.. i guess even if there wasnt any real physical damage there still psychological damage

just gotta wait until april 4th to see if they will award me the benifits so i can get the insurance and get proper treatment once and for all - really nervous about that because they seem to have just brushed off most of the things i've told them so far...

in the first denial they even had the reason i was requesting help wrong!
they said something like "we see no reason to believe that your heart problems will keep you from working"
i was like, heart problems? all i told them is went to the ER a few times thinking i was having a heart attack... told them i was diagnosed with panic disorder / bipolar(at that time) gad, ptsd and stuff and they just ignored all of that it seem.. then the second denial it was like they thought i was not a severe case or was malingering or something

the "system" is so annoying :/

since i have a disability lawyer now and have alot more medical records im hoping that the judge will see that im in dire need.. i might even breakdown crying in the court because im going to be so nervous without any type of benzo to calm me down...
maybe i can get a klonopin from my aunt for when i go - she might do that... or xanax from my cousin, hate taking away from their med though because they need them too and also its illegal to take others meds!! but its an emergency