I think that given your changing circumstances (lost job, relationship, etc.) it's only normal that you would feel sad going back to your old stomping ground to discover that the only thing constant in life is change. For human beings, it's about getting older and eventually dying. And who wants that? We'd all like to stay young and healthy and keep our loved ones with us always. However, we cannot stop the decline of the body and of new things happening and people leaving. Your present circumstances are making you more sensitive to the change that you have seen in your hometown. I wouldn't get so down on yourself for it. It's seems like a normal human reaction to what is a really sad part about life.

However, you have to deal with what is going on now. You say that the present seems hopeless and that you are fearful about the future. Well, if the present is fearful and the future is fearful and the past is making me sad, I'd be feeling hopeless, too! There is only one thing that you can control and that is yourself and what you will do today. Everything else will unfold as it will. Just think about what you want to do today and it may take some of the pressure off.