pondering the meaning of life is something i do quite often...
the reason for life, why are we here?
curiosity keeps me going a great deal of the time...
i have many unanswered questions ... many experiences i desire...

i wish i knew the answer, but the way i look at it ... just because i don't know, doesn't mean that i should give up and stop searching... ya know?
this is part of why i keep fighting...

life is a harsh experience, life developed on this planet in crazy crazy harsh conditions... but it developed still, some how... if you are religious i dont mean to offend anyone so i won't say too much on the subject...

i just feel like if this miraculous thing we call life can exist... then i shouldn't end it prematurely... there are many people i could touch throughout life and many people i have touched...
i live for the little things... the moments are what matter to me...
prematurely ending this would hurt people and i can't stand hurting anyone...
and if i did ever decide to do that then i would be taking that chance that maybe the next day i would have a life changing experience, or a major breakthrough... know what i mean?

depression sucks... but its not who we are... its just something that we have to fight...
its an affliction... and it will try to end us like a computer virus... but i won't let it win, i lose battles but the war is not over...

its really hard... and im really sorry that you have to go through it...
but i can say from my experience... living like this has given me a greater appreciation for life... i care for people so much more... i dunno why, its weird i know... but it just makes me feel like that... i just want everyone to be happy...

i know i cant change your outlook... but i hope that i can inspire you to see just a little differently... i know how depression can blind us from these things...

your mother is concerned about you getting married and i understand that, i think every mother wants their child to get married and have a family and grand kids and all...
but sometimes it takes time for you to find the one, the right one... and i think waiting for the right one is a good thing to do... i have not had any real relationships so i cant offer any experience or advice... i fell in love but it was a long distance relationship that couldn't work and i should of known but i was naive...

why do you feel like you have failed...? failure implies the end you know... and its not the end till the fat lady sings as they say... we lose battles, we cant win all the fights... but we can keep fighting to win the war...
you have not failed anyone
you are just struggling and alot of us know how that is...
especially with depression - going through life and not achieving things the sameway as others.. makes us feel inadequate .. but thats not the truth, we just havent been in the right place at the right time yet so to speak..?

my answer to why we should keep going is because to me failure is not an option... and i know i havent failed until the end... life is special it just happens that some of us see the world differently...

im sorry for my ranting, my mind has been going haywire today...
i hope that you are able to find a little relief soon... hope that you will stick around and keep talking with us, hope that i have shined a little light on you... we're in this together


sorry for the ramblings again...