@omegalamed: Thank you for your note. I have seen many counselor's over the last 10 years, and have not found them to be effective at all for me. It is probably something that is my fault though I am not sure what. I find it a complete waste of time to the point where I cannot stand it anymore.

@elevatedsoul: Thank you for your kind words. I feel I have very little to live for. My work is interesting but I am just pushing myself each day to keep up with the highly motivated and super smart people. I have kept it up for 10 years, but it is not going to last much longer. They all like me, but that is because I work so hard to keep them from finding out I am stupider than they can imagine. My Mom, I want her to be happy. At this point in my life, I have exactly 0 people in real life that I can talk to. I have 0 interests. I can keep doing what I am doing and probably be OK with it for a (long?) while, but it is doesn't seem worth. I feel tired and lost.

I guess what I am seeing is if there are people like me out there who have essentially had similar experiences. Neither do I have much trauma nor do I have many tangible issues, just a unwillingness to really go on.