The more I read, the more hopeless I become. There's nothing out there. Absolutely nothing. I am not competent, I'm a useless, broken freak. There is no life I can crete for myself, and no reason to try. It seems that the reason you owe the world your everything is because it owes you nothing...but you generally receive much by sheer chance. You basically have to pay for your existence. I have nothing to give and never will. I see no concrete benefit in doing much for anyone but myself. And if I am owed virtually nothing, then I will receive nothing. I'd really simply be better off dead. That's what i actually deserve anyway.

I'm a joke, aren't I? Too pathetic to handle the harsh reality of life. But I've already violated so many moral norms in this regard it doesn't even matter. There's no hope for me. I still have time left, so any replies would be appreciated. But I know I don't deserve them and likely won't get them. No one owes me attention. Those who cannot get everything for themselves are expected to simply die.