My fiance convinced me to keep going with the medication until I go back to my doctor, so I am. I'm also saving some money I got from taxes and building on it. I probably won't be going to a hospital this month but will in April. I can't afford to go, yet because I have to make sure I have the finance to take leave from work and still pay my bills. Nothing's gotten easier since I posted this and its getting more and more unbearable. I'm also getting more violent with everything (when I feel like I have the energy). I'm fed up, I guess. Saying nothing's gotten easier is true but I've had one moment of relief. I talked with someone I know and trust who also has PTSD. It made me understand that I'm not crazy. Hurt, yes but I'm not insane. It also made me realize that I really need to be more serious about getting help. He's going to set me up with his therapist, soon. Either way, I plan on talking with someone tomorrow to discuss admitting myself into a hospital for a bit. Once I get paid next week, I should have the funds to do it. It can be as early as the week after next but I'm not sure yet. While I don't know how long it will take, I keep telling myself that it has to get better some time, right? I have to get better eventually? I can't see how, though or when and I don't even know if I believe it. I also have to manage to do this without letting my parents know. They check in from time to time and I can't let them know what's going on. I can't tell them why I'm so messed up right now. That's the trick I'm trying to pull off. Taking care of myself without anyone finding out something was ever wrong in the first place.