I'm going to soon. Very soon, actually. I'm going to be honest and say that my flashbacks get so intense that they feel more real than reality. To me, the majority of the day feels like I'm just in a dream and will wake up to be back to what happened. That I never actually made it out. I've gotten to the point where I'm more impulsive because I don't think anything's real anyway, until I snap out of it for a minute only to realize that I really messed up. My panic attacks make every day life difficult in itself. Silence is violent, noise is a pathetic attempt to make me more aware and everything is just there. I've lost a lot of emotion towards things. More than anything, though, is this overwhelming crushing feeling that I'm always about to die. It torments me so bad that I think I should just end it myself to get the waiting over with. Will I do it? I don't want to. I have a fiance that I can't even imagine putting through that kind of hell. Unfortunately, sometimes when I think its all just a dream I can't really see things for what they are and I get to this point where I'm not only dangerous to myself but anyone around me. I'm going to the hospital because I'm desperate for help before something bad happens. I can't keep this up and I don't know anyone who can.