oh why do i keep listening to the message and torturing myself??

i keep trying to regroup and let the message help me by hearing his voice but it keeps annoying me more and more each time.

in fact the last time listened to it i said "shut the %#@&#! up" to the message, lol.

this is not how i want to spend my first session which is now 26 hours away. yes, i'm counting the hours. yes, i am pathetic.