Just wanted to add that I also understand the fear of getting better.

I also have a general fear of happiness, because I feel like if I'm happy and things are going well, then the only way they can go is down. Like, I almost feel safer/more secure being depressed, though for me it's more of a cyclical thing, at least the more major depression--the generalized anxiety/panic, OCD, and some level of depression are always there, though. (And I know in terms of my marriage, I almost go into panic mode when H or MC says he thinks we're doing really well, too.)