I think it's not so much a fear of getting "better," but a fear of getting partially better or just better on the outside but still feeling as much pain on the inside. Being left to face it alone because I * look* okay but I'm still in agony inside.

Being in this much pain with no help and no way to get out of it



I'm not afraid of getting all the way better. I'm afraid of making progress, not cutting or taking better care of myself, and it not being enough to end this horrible pain inside of me. Because the other things are just symptoms of how bad I feel.