Sometimes I wish I was "strong enough" to cancel but in actuality I know that it takes a much stronger person to go and face what therapy holds.

It reminds me of the other day when I brought my car in for inspection. The mechanic was being all ridiculous and flirty and he said, "Now is my favorite part-- I get to ask for your number... and I can't get turned down because I have your car." And I looked at him and said dramatically, "Yes you're right. I can't turn you down. I'd only be hurting myself."

That's how I feel about T. Like he has something of mine and I have no choice but to go back. Sometimes I want to cancel as a way to say "%#@&#! you, " a way to hurt him. But of course, I'd only be hurting me.