Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99
I think it's not so much a fear of getting "better," but a fear of getting partially better or just better on the outside but still feeling as much pain on the inside. Being left to face it alone because I * look* okay but I'm still in agony inside.
Being in this much pain with no help and no way to get out of it
I'm not afraid of getting all the way better. I'm afraid of making progress, not cutting or taking better care of myself, and it not being enough to end this horrible pain inside of me. Because the other things are just symptoms of how bad I feel. |
I can totally understand that. About eight years ago, I went into a residential program for an eating disorder that I had been struggling with for many years. When I came out, I found that I had very little support (I was going through the public system at the time and I no longer qualified as "sick enough") and my old coping behaviours didn't seem to work as well. I ended up escalating self harm secretly to cope, and now it's one of my main issues. Everyone on the outside thinks I am fine and should be fine, yet inside I'm still in extreme pain and feel more alone then ever. I'm working on it with a T, privately, but it's tough. So I totally relate and understand and hope we both can heal ourselves someday.