Quote:
Originally Posted by Mully
I can totally understand that. About eight years ago, I went into a residential program for an eating disorder that I had been struggling with for many years. When I came out, I found that I had very little support (I was going through the public system at the time and I no longer qualified as "sick enough") and my old coping behaviours didn't seem to work as well. I ended up escalating self harm secretly to cope, and now it's one of my main issues. Everyone on the outside thinks I am fine and should be fine, yet inside I'm still in extreme pain and feel more alone then ever. I'm working on it with a T, privately, but it's tough. So I totally relate and understand and hope we both can heal ourselves someday.
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I'm in the public system as well, intensive outpatient psychiatry for both therapy and psychiatry. There is a cap on the program I am in now of 2 years which *already* makes me nervous because of how badly I am functioning right now. She has mentioned that 2 year limit being more of a break though, of 4 months to remind me I can survive without therapy and then I can start again but usually with just weekly (which I'm fine with I think by then). I need to ask again though, because it scares me too much. My T doesn't like to talk about the future like that a lot and reassure me about what will happen because I talk about the future *a lot* and she says between that and dealing with my SH, it's hard to work on anything else. It's hard to deal with that fear on top of everything else, especially since this is the best help I've ever gotten and I worry I'll waste my chance. I really do need to talk about this again though, I'm going to try to bring it up on Wednesday.
I'm sorry you're still struggling. Residential seems scary for that. I think good aftercare is just as important or even more important than the more intensive treatment period. I have huge abandonment fears and it's hard to go from all that to nothing, especially since improvement doesn'tvreally mean the same thing as recovery. Hugs.
I also did an intensive/daily program about 8 years ago and after 3.5 years of that was thrown out with no follow up care. I think that was the most painful thing I had ever been through. I was very young and got very attached, and I couldn't believe I was being sent out by myself with no follow up care (again, public system). It hurt so much I swore I would never go into therapy again. I didn't for 5 years until I started with my last therapist who damaged me so badly. It's hard.