Justy -- I'm glad that you have, at least, thought about these things, even if you decide "nay, tain't the way it is." Reflection can be helpful.

It is absolutely *terrific* and wonderful that you asked him to go to counseling. This must have taken so much courage, Justy. I want to hide in an igloo in the Arctic whenever I have to face that kind of conversation. I hate confrontation of any kind, even very mild confrontation. (My Ts have been working with me on this).

I, too, would be shocked if my partner, or even a close GF, revealed personal things about me -- and potentially stigmatizing things -- to "outsiders." In a close relationship, one shouldn't have to say, "Now, this is confidential. I don't want you to tell anyone." A certain level of trust in the other's discretion is part of intimacy.

Why do you say that you, and you alone, have caused the "mess" in your household? Did you artificially impregnate yourself? To say that you caused the mess makes you responsible for his explosive moods, his lack of discretion. Embarrassing you is just another way of "keeping you in your place." It is a kind of emotional blackmail. It says -- "See how worthless you are -- and the whole world knows it -- and agrees with me."

You haven't said what business he is in. I have changed service providers several times bec. they continued to make unwanted disclosures. I've had 2 massage therapists who seemed to think that I was an appropriate receptacle for their romantic, marriage, business, and economic problems. A furniture store owner thought I should know that her ex-husband had become a drug addict. A hair dresser wanted me to know every detail of her evangelical ministry and how helpful she was to the world. This was especially difficult bec. I did NOT agree with her wisdom and she was holding the scissors. (Snicker.) I dropped these people. Appropriate professional relationships do not include this much disclosure.

Lastly, about the books. Perhaps you can find some book reviews on the internet about each of these authors in whom he puts so much trust. Just because a person gets published doesn't mean everything in the book is true. Some are pap. The writer should have at least a Ph.D. -- in an appropriate field such as psychology -- unlike the famous "Dr. Laura" whose degree, apparently, was in physical education. The book should be no more than 5 years old, because medical and psychological research proceeds at warp speed. It should be published by a recognized publisher -- not self-published.

Dr. John may have some articles posted. I know there are some excellent ones in the archive about being involved in therapeutic relationships.

How is the job going so far? Are things going well for you there? Is it a relief to be out of the house?

Take care of yourself, Justy. You are loved in the forums.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Justy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))