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and suddenly it occurred to me how much power T has over me.

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Yes yes yes yes yes!! This must be the post-vacation syndrome. I am feeling all sorts of smothered by these feelings that have surfaced for me. I feel right now I really, really need him and I really, really hate that. Since when did I become an anxious wreck who can't survive without him? A year ago, I was an anxious wreck without him. Hmmm. I can't even muster up the anger. At least not right now.

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I feel very, very weak. Small.

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Uhm, Oh yes. Like a teeny weeny baby.